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Living My Best Life Pt. 5

[Read Living My Best Life Pt. 4]

My first trip to Coney Island!
Ever woke up super emotional and was confused about why you were so emotional? No? K. It's not the first time I've been alone in something. My morning started out weird. Perhaps, it's because I'm extremely tired and decompressing from a whirlwind week with my godson. Maybe, I had a dream that shook me but I couldn't remember what is was about (that happens often). However, I really think the reason has to do with me surrendering to my sober self--dealing with my sober feelings. Fasting is a detoxification process. It's not just about sacrifice and abstinence; it's about cleansing and purification as well. It's amazing what clearing your channels can do. There are all of these emotions that clog up our spiritual arteries that have been contributing to the deterioration of our hearts and minds. This morning, in the midst of my brief emotional breakdown, I experienced my first moment of clarity since beginning the fast.

I can't go into too much detail, but a situation has been weighing heavily on my heart for the past 6 months and I finally took a step towards clearing the air and my conscience. I simply decided that I wasn't going to be clogged anymore--that I wanted the blood to flow freely through my veins again. I had to decide to be "the bigger person" and transcend the feelings of betrayal and rejection that I woke up to. I had to acknowledge that the other person(s) might be feeling something similar and by pressing toward my freedom in this situation, I could be helping them press toward theirs. The clarity was a cleansing moment. The detoxification of my body has forced me to be honest about the feelings that I've left to drown in bourbon (or insert your vice here). My emotions have been fighting for fresh air and my sanity has been barely keeping its head above water. I had to force myself to live without in order to grow within. Every form of growth is not voluntary. We didn't get to decide to grow hair under our arms at 13 or wisdom teeth at 18. But we get to decide to grow emotionally and spiritually. God gave us that. This morning, by choice, I experienced growth and I'm grateful for it.

As for fasting? Busyness helps. I have less time to lament about the things I'm missing. My energy levels are up. My focus is at an all-time high. But most importantly, I'm learning to live with myself again. It's amazing how much of ourselves we miss when we allow our bodies and minds to be overtaken by things that don't serve us. This past week has been fruitful. I'm seeking God first and in new ways and with greater expectations than ever before.

So. Expectations:

 Day 5 (7/9/16)

I'm expecting patience. 
I'm not quite sure in what capacity. I feel as if I've grown significantly in this area over the years. My struggle has mostly been with being patient with myself and the journey. Patience, or the lack thereof, is connected to your faith in your expectations. Do I really believe in my expectations? Do I really believe that I can have the desires of my heart? Do I really believe that God hears me? I've struggled with belief and expectations, and having patience with the process. As I prepare to start this amazing spiritual and academic journey in 6 weeks, I want to make sure that I am patient with my expectations for myself. I desire to step into an emotional space where my expectations are about the experience and not the outcome--where I am expecting revelations and not results.

Day 6 (7/10/16)
I'm expecting a fresh wind of inspiration and motivation to push me through to my placement.
 "Fresh oil" is what my churchy friends call it! I'm expecting a renewal of the mind. One of my favorite scriptures says, "Do not conform to the pattern of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of the mind. Then you'll be able to test and approve what God's will is" (Romans 12:2).  I'm expecting transformation and clarity so that, amidst my expectations, I can get to God's will for my life. So often, we fight to see God's will through the fog of our frivolous wants. Our desire to conform grounds our aspirations and kills our expectations. We become unmotivated and our dreams become displaced. I expect to rise about the tendency to put my wants above God's will. Fasting is meant to be difficult. I pray that when I thirst for water or hunger for food that my needs be met with a fresh wind--that my thirst be quenched by inspiration and the rumblings of my stomach be overpowered by the music of motivation. ...that I not be distracted by what's being barred from my body, but guided by what's being added to my mind.

Day 7 (7/11/16)
I'm expecting a new job--
a way to support myself on the journey. Yea. Today is a practical day. I have no poetic language to capture my desire to leave the job that puts most of the bread on my table. Yes, I'm grateful to be gainfully employed but at what expense? I have 6 weeks to figure out how much I'll be able to juggle bar-tending/serving and seminary. Any ideas? I'm expecting God to intercede. I had a serious talk with God this morning like, "Yo, G. You got 'bout 6 weeks to figure this thing out for me." lol In all seriousness, I'm anticipating my mind and eyes to be widened so that I don't miss the door God is about to open for me. I feel it. I know it's coming. I merely want to be ready and willing for whatever it is. Blow my mind, G!

Quick review.

7/5/16 - I am expecting a bridge (to carry me from my passion to my placement)
7/6/16 - I am expecting an action plan (to discover or create a plan for building that bridge)
7/7/16 - I am expecting a God-ordained partnership (to help me get to my placement)
7/8/16 - I am expecting a financial blessing (that will free me up to focus)
7/9/16 - I am expecting patience (in the process)
7/10/16 - I am expecting a fresh wind (of inspiration and motivation)
7/11/16 - I am expecting a new job (to support me on the journey)

I have a passion. I'm expecting a plan and a partner(s) to help me build a bridge to carry me to my placement. I'm expecting financial freedom so that I can focus on my assignment and have energy for the experience. I am expecting patience in the process and a fresh wind to push me toward my placement. I am expecting a job to support me on the journey.

-------
For all 5 of you reading this, keep me in your prayers. Weeks 2 and 3 of the 21-day Daniel Fast are the hardest. Yikes!

Cheers,

Mia

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