Skip to main content

I'm a giver

It is my practice that I evaluate and re-evaluate my life in all it's truths and fallacies--in all it's glory and darkness--through sickness and in health. I do believe that I am married to the better version of myself, so I have to constantly look at my relationship with myself and how we relate to world, and evaluate how my past affects my present affects my future.

The past couple of months, I've seen life's truest colors--good and bad--a rainbow of disappointment received from people along side the darkest cloud that provided the professional successes that rained upon me. I've come to know myself a little better as I've excavated the hole where my old soul used to be. I had a soul transplant. After my transplant, I gained peace; I gained clarity; but most importantly, I gained a deeper understanding of myself and how I relate to others. 

I'm a giver. Ever since I was a little girl, I've been giving. My mom always says that I was a very generous little person. I remember giving my lunch money away to other school kids. I used to buy other kids breakfast (which was only $0.50 back then). I always brought treats for the class and when it was my bday, my momma threw down for my school party-I'm a giver; that's how I relate to the universe. Now in my older age, my giving goes beyond $0.50 school lunches. It goes beyond class parties. Now, I'm giving my time, or a listening ear, or a home-cooked dinner when my friend is sick. I'm giving advice. I'm giving healing through my words or my music. And as much as I give, I expect nothing in return. Nothing.

There are many women (in particular) like me who are givers. It's in our nature. However, there comes a time when even the caretaker needs a caretaker. Recently, within the past 3 years of my life, I've found myself worn out; I'm more tired than normal--emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. It seems that certain people have been sucking the energy out of me. I give and give and give...and they take and take and take. I give and they take....never attempting to give anything back to me. You know those individuals and organizations that take of your time and spirit unapologetically--those people who only call you when they need something, never just to say hello. Or those organizations that are held together solely by you. You give and you give, and they take, never giving back to you.

And I don't do things for recognition or a pat on the back. I do them simply because I'm a giver. And now, I'm finally giving to myself. All the time, money, advice, hospitality, and spiritual guidance I've been giving to others for so many years, I'm finally giving to myself, so that the current me can match the better version of myself. 

I encourage you--the givers of the world-- to consider the magnitude at which you give to others and double that giving to yourself. Keep giving for it is your nature, but know that we cannot give that which we don't have--if we lose ourselves in giving to others, we have essentially lost the entire meaning of giving. I challenge you--givers--to take note of the takers in your life. Stand up to them. Do not allow them to suck anymore time, energy, or resources out of you. You shan't allow the people and things of this world to take your joy from you! Live freely; give freely...to the world, but to yourself first.

I'm a giver. I give this to you. :)



Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Where Do You See Yourself in 5 Years?"

Today (December 1st, 2020), Facebook reminded me that 5 years ago, I wrapped up a 5-week run of Ain't Misbehavin' at Portland Center Stage in Oregon, and flew back to New York City to re-enter my life there. I had just applied to seminary a few days before Thanksgiving and was excited about the possibility of leaning into this strong calling I felt to deepen my theological knowledge. I was still under the illusion that I'd be able to maintain some sort of performance career, so I kept my manager, Greg, and he'd continue sending me out on auditions. I was becoming very picky about what I'd say "yes" to-- Would I go on that national tour of Hamilton that he wanted to send me on or would I go to seminary? Would I leave to do a 9-month stint in After Midnight on an international cruise ship or would I go to seminary?  That was the question over and over again. I decided that I'd still do local stuff in NYC or short stints in other cities. Even as I ente...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why I Quit Church...

On Sunday I quit church... for the day, at least. It was the most beautiful and painfully passionate act of self-care I've ever done.   Hi. My name is Mia, and I live with an anxiety disorder.  It's 4:30 on Sunday morning. My first alarm intrudes on the three hours of sleep I've managed to acquire. I begrudgingly assess the state of my vocal cords and decide whether or not they are well enough for me to sleep another thirty minutes. I hit snooze. Minutes later, my second alarm assaults my rem cycle. I pimp-slap my iPhone and decide whether or not I'm going to steam (a process in which I stand over a pot of boiling water for fifteen minutes to lubricate my cords). I, instead, opt for the less time consuming process of making tea, buying me an extra fifteen minutes of sleep. at 5:15, my third and final alarm goes off. I roll out of bed and into the shower. As I lather, I do minor vocal warm-ups and meditate. It's 6:05. I'm clothed, tea is made, hair is done,...
7 comments
Read more

A Call to Slowdown

On March 30, 2017, I wrote a caption under a picture I posted of me preaching my very first public sermon in James Chapel at Union Theological Seminary in the City of New York. The sermon was entitled, “I Have an Issue of Blood.” To my surprise, at the end of my moment of sermonic exploration – what was originally supposed to be a spoken word piece but quickly grew into something beyond my wildest imagination – I got a standing ovation. It was… odd . I thought to myself, “Why are these people standing and clapping for me? I’m not a preacher.” Folks came up to me after to convey their appreciation for the message. Someone in the congregation shared a picture they took of me. I posted it on Instagram and Facebook the next day with the caption: “I sometimes feel like there's a person running ahead of me—the person that God is calling me to be—and I'm running behind her trying to catch up as she runs faster and faster. And I don't know where's she's going but I know i...
1 comment
Read more